I don't know why but today I have been thinking about the first time I had to tell someone that my babies had died. It was the day after they had passed away and a nurse came in (from the lab, not my regular nurse) to draw some blood. I remember that is was only like 5:30 in the morning and Shawn was still asleep. She said, "So what did you have?" I said, "Twin Boys" She said, "Oh wow! You are going to have your hands full!" I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "No, they passed away" She felt absolutely horrible, and apologized. Shawn woke up as she was leaving and I just burst into tears. It was awful. I guess they had a bereavement sign on my door but it had fallen off and she didn't see it.
Ugh. I don't know, it just keeps replaying in my mind today. Grief will hit you in some strange ways.
But onto some good news.
I finally have my TAC surgery scheduled! It will be for February 17, 2011. And we will start TTC in March. The surgery is 5 days before my birthday. I know this is weird but this is a great birthday present! The chance to carry another baby...full term. What more could I ask for?
I am nervous because it is surgery but I'm very excited as well. Things are finally falling into place and I'm one step closer.
Please, no mention of this on FB. We only have told my mom and are keeping it a secret for now! We have some not so supportive family (Husband's side) so, I'd rather not hear any negative comments from any of them!
Mommy misses you Bryston and Colton. I think about you every second of every day my sweet boys.
Yes, grief does hit you in some strange ways, when you are least expecting it. It still does me that way years later after Meredith died. I am really excited about your surgery and I pray that all goes well. That is a neat birthday gift! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteTrena, that is wonderful news... you have been quiet for a few days... I was starting to worry about you. Glad you have received some happy news. Much love to you:)
ReplyDeleteI remember after I delivered, I was moved off of L&D to a cardiac room. The first nurse that walked in didn't realize..she told me I needed to calm down and I got so angry bc she didn't know why I was so upset..
ReplyDeleteGrief is a strange thing..it comes n so many ways.
Praying for your surgery.
grief definitely hits at the worst/strangest moments. i guess that's just a part of it and this terrible process. congrats on getting a date scheduled for the surgery. it does not sound weird that you are excited about this at all. you are a mom that wants to be able to carry her rainbow baby. there is nothing strange about that. i understand completely. i feel like 2011 is going to be a good yr for so many (and hopefully i will be on that list too). sending you my ♥...
ReplyDeleteAfter 19 months I still have moments of grief that hit me unexpected. As I was driving home yesterday I was listening to O Holy Night and burst into tears and again was going through the why's of it all. Christmas makes me miss my babies so much more.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear your wonderful news! I pray yu wnt have to wait long for your rainbow baby. (((hugs)))
Grief comes in moments but this time of year is always hard. Everything makes me cry anyway and now I cry so much.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your wonderful news. Praying for you always.
{{HUGS}}
Caroline
I'm glad that the TAC has been scheduled!! That's great!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes you think of certain moments for no reason. I know I do.
Hi Trena, I'm new to your blog and am so sorry to read about the loss of your twins Bryston & Colton. I lost twin boys in 2009 due to IC, and after having my TAC placed, went on to deliver twin boys last month at 37 weeks. The TAC does work and will make your dreams come true. Best of luck with your surgery next month with Dr H...you are in wonderful hands with him :)
ReplyDelete