4 months & Due date

I find myself having a very difficult time concentrating today. I have a lot to do but I have no motivation.

This Wednesday is the 4 month mark. 4 months? Has it really been 4 months since I said hello and goodbye to my babies? And then this Saturday is my due date. I know the boys would have been born before their due date but I am still finding this to be hard to deal with. I'm dreading it. I have been told by several other BLM's who have passed their due dates, that the anticipation of the day is much worse than the actual day itself. I pray this is true.

I'm just really sad. Some days are easier than others...some days I can fake my way through and other days I am genuinely happy and then days like today, I'm sad and I don't care who knows it.

I've been praying for the strength to get through and I know the Lord will take care of me.

It's been 2 weeks since we put in the referral to my insurance company (for the TAC surgery) and I have not heard anything. I called my OB office this morning and the girl that deals with referrals didn't make it is because of the weather and her day off is tomorrow, so that leaves me waiting until Wednesday. I tried calling my insurance company and that was a joke. I'm trying to stay positive about the situation but I have a feeling I'm going to have to appeal and Lord only knows how long that process will take.

Frustrating.

Okay, so I've been trying to state out loud daily all of my blessings...I find this helps me think more positively and not be such a Debbie Downer. So...here we go...

I am blessed with an amazing, supportive husband. I am blessed with some really awesome kids! I am blessed to have held two very special angels. I am blessed to have met some amazing woman on this journey who have helped me more than they know!

Alright, I'm off to find my motivation, maybe I left it in the laundry room? :)