Triggers

So, I guess I should have seen this coming. But really, I didn't. The immediate area I live in is pretty small. The funeral home where the boys' funeral was and where they were cremated is right next to our church. Do you see where this is going?

We just started attending this church, it's been about a month...maybe a little longer. We absolutely love it. Well, this morning, Shawn and I are sitting there and who do I see two rows in front of us? The funeral director. He was so amazing to Shawn and I. I can not even put into words how awesome this guy was. So kind and thoughtful and he helped us out tremendously. I started to cry. Seeing him just brought back all the memories of being in the funeral home and making all those decisions. We had said our goodbyes to the boys when we left the hospital but we got too see them one more time at the funeral home. Brian (funeral director) was with us.

All those emotions, they came crashing down on me. Shawn asked if I wanted to say hi, but I told him no. I knew I would not be able to hold back the tears (I had just got them to stop!) Plus he was with his wife and I didn't want to bother him. I don't think he truly understands how much we appreciated what he did for us. I know he was just doing his job but really, he went above and beyond.

Usually, I know what my triggers are and if I can't avoid them, I can at least try to prepare for them. This...this came out of left field. Totally caught me off guard.

That reminds me. The Fire Department is literally right behind my house. When my water broke with the boys, Shawn had called 911 and they sent an ambulance. The EMT's were absolutely wonderful (again, probably just doing their job but they really went above and beyond) After they brought me to the hospital, instead of leaving (like they usually do) They stayed. Two in the room with me, holding my hands and rubbing my back. The woman kept telling me she was so sorry for what was happening. Two of the guys took Shawn out into hall to calm him down. God bless those people. Well, not even a week later Shawn and I had to run into the store to grab a few things. A few of the EMT's from that night were walking out as we were walking in. They smiled, you know, the sad smile. I looked at Shawn and we turned around to find them, we wanted to thank them for all they did, but they were already in their truck and leaving.

This area is small. I need to prepare myself for this sort of thing happening.