It's been awhile! Update.

I know it has been awhile since my last post but I have just not been in the mood to write. I come here and start to write and then just log out.

I did miscarry our rainbow baby in July at 7 weeks. That added on top of the stress of moving just took a lot out of me. It took almost a month of weekly blood draws for my levels to go all the way down to 0. We didn't want to do a D&C because of my TAC. My first cycle since the miscarriage recently ended and so we are TTC again. I have such a love/hate relationship with TTC. I want another child so badly but it is such an emotional roller coaster.  I know it will all be worth it in the end though.


The boys' one year anniversary came a few weeks ago. That was much harder than I anticipated. We did a balloon release and the girls blew out candles for them. Tianna said, "You know what I wish for? I wish we were all together again." Of course that made me cry even harder than I already was. I am just now coming out of the funk I was in. It was like, the minute the calendar turned over to August this dark cloud came over me and it stayed the entire month. Not a good feeling but I embraced it. I embraced my sadness and just let myself feel. Really FEEL. A lot of good cries. It felt good to get it out. I will NEVER stop missing my sons, I don't care how many years go by.



Our Walk to Remember is coming up. One month from today. It's weird to look back because last year at this time our grief was so new. Some days I feel like I have come a long way on this journey and other days I feel like I have barely made progress. I have to remind myself though, this isn't a short journey. It is life long.