Grief - That one word holds so much meaning. Holds so many feelings. And it is ever so sneaky. Last weekend Shawn and I were sitting with girls and were just talking and out of nowhere I just started thinking, "We will never have the chance to sit here like this with our boys...never as a family of 6..." I know, random right? But that's how grief is...sneaking in at the most random times. I held in my tears until after the girls were in bed and then went to the bathroom and let it all out. I can't believe that 8 months is creeping up on me. 8 months! Instead of thinking of their first birthday, I am sitting here thinking about how I will honor them on their first angelversary. Sad. Very very sad.
Time heals? Really? The more time that goes by, the more I miss them. The more my heart aches.
It's just been a rough week. Grief has tightened its grip on me this week and both the girls are sick. I haven't gotten any sleep and I am just drained.
Trying to remind myself of all my blessings...but I am only human, and this week...this week I've thrown myself a pity party.
April 10th of last year I got a positive pregnancy test, I can not believe that was a year ago. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were so happy. So naive.
Shawn wants to do date night this weekend...maybe that's what I need. A little fun...
I have a word to go along with grief. SUCKY! that's what grief is just sucky. Sending you Hugs and I hope that you and the hubs have a wonderful date night ;O)
ReplyDeleteYes, these times of grief sometimes come out of the blue. I hope it helps to know that others care about you. A date night would be good for you, I think. Remembering your sweet boys with you and sending hugs for all of you.
ReplyDelete((((hugs)))) The eight month mark was so though, all the way up to the anniversaries.
ReplyDeletei definitely agree that grief can be so sneaky. it also makes time feel so strange... more fluid, i guess for me, because things can seem both like an eternity and like an arms reach away. i hope you enjoyed your date night. i find just being with louie makes me feel better.
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